Normally on the last night of the year I write a post summing up how I've felt about the past year and what I hope for in the coming year. Last year I was unable to get to a computer on new year's eve so I didn't make one, but this year I have my laptop at hand, and despite the drink beginning to kick in, I think I can make it through this post whilst still sounding coherent!
Anyone who's read through this blog over the past few weeks will have probably picked up on the negative tone of the last few entries. Unfortunately that's pretty much the whole year summed up. I'm trying to be objective and fair about it all, and I don't want to cast a downer on things, but in all honesty, 2014 has been the worst year I can recall - trumping even 2010, because at least 2010 picked up towards the end. 2014 had it all - a relationship break-up, an inconveniently timed operation, an ongoing crisis of confidence in my own abilities as a med student...and that's not even getting into the longer term things I'm unhappy about. In general, it's just been a pretty rubbish year and I'm glad to see the back of it.
What do I hope for in the coming year? I'm not sure, but I think these would be my wishes and things I will try to work towards:
1) I want to pass my first examinations since starting clinical medicine (in March) with good marks - this would be such a boost to my confidence and would help me stop feeling so lost and adrift the whole time.
2) I want to reconnect with the reasons why I got into this thing - I love medicine, from the bottom of my heart, I really do. It is a tempestuous, mercurial mistress, but I have never wanted anything more than I want to be a good doctor. I want to go back to brimming with eagerness instead of feeling so angry and burnt out so often.
3) I want to hate my uni town less - yes, I miss my hometown, and yes I'm realistic enough to accept I'll never love it here, but at the same time, it would be nice if I could at least reach a state of cordial indifference, instead of outright loathing with the place.
4) I want to improve my social life - I don't have any great hopes for this one since I don't really have time to get out there and do new things...but still, it would be much appreciated.
5) I want to learn to differentiate between what goes on in the hospital and what happens in my private life. A rubbish day at the hospital should not mean that I should have a rubbish time when I get back home, and vice versa. I would say that this one is probably the most important one...and I would really appreciate any tips on how to achieve this goal.
6) I want to maybe get back on the horse, romantically speaking.
The cynic in me says that I probably won't reach all of these goals, at least not fully. The hopeful, optimistic side of me thinks that since 2014 was such a shit year, 2015 has nowhere left to go except up. I don't usually post "inspirational quotes" but for some reason, earlier today, I remembered a film I last watched some time ago, and I couldn't get the following quote out of my head:
"Let's drink to good times. Comic or tragic, the most important thing to do is to enjoy life while you can because we only go round once, and when it's over, it's over. And, perfect cardiogram or not, when you least expect it, it could end like that"
Happy new year to you all.