I am slowly turning into a (potential) doctor. It's finally beginning to hit me. The excuses are beginning to run out. The
It's quite a realisation. People will actually expect me to know shit and do shit. Not everything by any means, but still, some things.
And I feel ever-so-very-slightly incompetent pretty much all the time.
There's a year left til Black Wednesday. 9 months til Finals. 3 more placements til Revision Block. 4 months til the SJT. 2 months til I submit my job application. All these numbers and deadlines, counting down the months til the day of judgement and reckoning which will finally answer that question I've been asking myself for so many years now..."so, Grumpy, did you actually think you'd be good enough to be a doctor?".
With all this giddy stress/occasional feeling of impending doom going around my head, it's no wonder lately I've been feeling torn by a near daily desire to want to enjoy my remaining time as a layabout student by going out and getting hammered as much and as often as possible or staying indoors and attempting to memorise every word of my textbooks for fear of voiding the past seven years of higher education. For the record, my social life is moribund and I haven't been properly out in forever, so at the moment I'm definitely more in the latter camp than the former.
As far as obstetrics and gynaecology goes, with one more week to go, I can safely say that it's been a really decent block. The clichés about childbirth are all completely true. It is life-affirming. It is intense. It's not like TV. Watching a woman go through labour honestly made me forget to breathe at times (usually when she was pushing) because I felt so tense myself. But in a good way. I really do love the "human drama" side of medicine. It's why I'm still here. And an uncomplicated birth is surely the best antidote there is to every crappy thing I've seen in the hospital throughout the years. It is the perfect opposite of death and illness. So yes, it's been enjoyable. Has it made me want to be an obstetrician or gynaecologist? No, but still, I've had a good few weeks and it's been a great end to my third year of medical school!